Assalamualaikum.
such a stressful day . not a day , but a week i think :( why am i so depressed nowadays . at home, that was the most stressful moment so far . idk , such a miserable . i stressed out without knowing the truth and knowing the reason why . i hate myself sometimes . heh . lame yu . lame * cough *
2/4 - my first day of final exam . ELC120 . semi-killer subject for this Diploma and ever graduates studies in life . my thought saying that i’m better in this but the truth , hah . well , my bad for being too selfish sometimes . feeling the best and no need to study , reading , start learning and searching for new techniques and tips in English . have u ever feeling these ? if no, u lie * smirk *
okay, this is the most heartbroken part so far . getting carry marks in University for the first time . and LOW . repeat . LOW . sometimes i start to wonder , why is this happening ? why always me ? okay , stop stop ! before i’m wondering about the facts , better for me to blame myself for being too stupid not studying and laughing all the time . (okay i lie about the laughing) . i'm taking for granted so far . hell yah . am saying the truth bruh . quizzing , testing, take it easy . like " no hal . sure i'll get high marks anyway * mengeluh * " and dum dam dum dam . taraaa ! here's your result . and ... okay . down . * berpeluh and mengeluh * but as well as you know , tak baik mengeluh . carry on babe .
bunga bukan sekuntum . jap . motif ?
actually bukan tak bersyukur . YA ALLAH bukan . i just depressed . because many of them got more than i expected . nampak tak aku pandang rendah kat orang ? ya Allah setannya perangai .
but . can u understand . when . " gane nie aku dok study lagi nie" people be like . " ayu xpe . dia pandai " "ayu xpe" "ayu gitu" "ayu gini"
can u understand when people are trying to expect much from you? this is what i feel though . ofcourse , you must feel like , hell yah 'people do think that am smart , excellence. well come from boarding school' * smirk again * so everytime others are leading , you must be so affected by these people . to be honest , i dont like to be compared . who love to be compared right . i mean , who love to be praised too much like , since u'r from boarding school, so u'r smart . hell yah please . i'm just low student . tengok result lah * okay this time smirk in hate *
people should get rid these type of mind set .
stress and depressing . how to explain ? no one understand . trust me . no one . where to find ?
ALLAH
since i'm still in Part1, i feel like , sometimes giving up and just hoping for a miracle to happen . i hate for being in this type of situation . to be honest , i'm crying inside scratching the whole body to get out from this world . But please im not that insane to lose mind and forgetting my religion . Im still fine as usual * smirk again *
Second part , the most undesirable thing that unexpected to happen is , about friends . Normal right ?
Im not saying that i have problems with friends but since im talking about friend , yes i am . I got a prob with certain of them . Im not that jerk to have a prob with all of them .
Got this one , idk what happen to her/him . But he/she always tried to get some attention and love to recall my mistakes that surely i did not know single thing of them . Please . Give me space . To breath . Idk
are u trying to say that you'r struggling to understand me ? hm i guess not . Idk why i feel like you'r not the one that im hoping for . Maybe it's true . Got many friends but surely not all of them are readily can understand us . But alhmdulillah . Some of them are .
So . Please . I got no idea for now . Let me continue tomorrow . Or
Whatever .
