Dear Mashi-ayu that i used to know,

How are you now? I heard you had such a breaking phase in the past days and months. I'm here to ask you, are you okay now? Please tell me that you are okay. Are you okay, right? Don't lie to me. You can lie to yourself but with me, please don't lie. I can see it all through your eyes.

I'm sorry Mashi for the past few months. I am so sorry for neglecting you. I ignored your feeling. I ignored what you feel. I let you cried alone in the middle of the night. I let you broken alone. You always asked me to be with you but I ignored you and you walked alone. You were hurting that much but you still keep your smile on your face. In fact, I know that you kept a thousand of reasons to burst in front of me. You hold your tears, you walked without my helps.
What in your thoughts Mashi without me?
Am I lost in your sights? Am I still exist inyour life Mashi? Your worries, your struggles, I let you going through alone. Mashi, I am sorry. I mean it.

I am here now. I let you alone for so long. But here I am. Please let me hold you. Let me hold you to walk together. I am here with you when you need me. I promise not to let you go just like that anymore. Mashi, you know that I love you. Don't let the stitch kill yourself. I am here, I promise. I am not going to let you hurt again. You fall too easy. I just want you to fall for me, okay? Now, hold my hand. I’ll never ever let you go anymore.

Sometimes girls love to do something that they already know, that the other girls will feel the same way as theirs when they did it. May I know what I did wrong to you to hurt me? Because someone hurts you, then you want to hurt me the same?

It’s okay :)

You can’t even broke the broken heart. It’s already broken before you came. May you will be happy, I swear.

I don’t even mad at all. There’s no rules you will be not end up like me. May Allah bless both 🥰

Just wanna say fuck you til I fuck you again
I think I've had enough of you, but I don't wanna lose a friend
I'm gonna love you forever
That's just my curse

It's whatever
I thought you'd leave me
I'm the bottle, you're the genie
And I don't think I give a damn

I felt the beating
Thank god I ate my wheaties
Or I don't know if I could stand
We hate to give in, but we're hardly living comfortably

I hate you because you think that you're still in love with me
It's time we drift apart, we're blind and in the dark
I kinda wanna care but it's kinda too late to start
And here you are, hitting my line
Hitting rewind on the past for the 50th time

Come on tell me, what do you think
Wanna lay down, up in the clouds or under the sheets

After a few times in denying, I realised that I should normalize things. It would be better like this, keeping the feelings, until it fades. If I’m the one who put down the gun, I am the winner. I win the battle without hurting anyone. If I keep showing it, I am weak. I never pray for the bad. I just wanna justice. It stays like that, without promise. And it says, it is not that type. It deserves better.

- m.

I am not complicated.

I am easily to be predicted.

Every day it feels like...broken...

Haha fck

Assalamualaikum.

I always saying to myself that, the last choice that I have to recover my skin is...Accutane.
I was extremely scared to take this decision for my life but I don't know what was going through my mind that day, I was giving up, and directly went to specialist to cure my skin. I was tired, emotionally, and my confidence level was decreased 180 degrees tbh. Since that I got a little penny in my bank, I was not hesitated to invest for my skin + health.

I seek for dermatologist in Damansara. It was AY Skin Specialist & Aesthetic. I spent RM750 for the first time. The Dr explained about the acnes and all. I told him about my antibiotcs-resistance and all also. He said that ab only cures the surface, not inside. He consulted me with the treatments. They got a package for acne for RM750. Without further ado, I made a choice. Then, the facial treatment started. The aesthetician treat my face. First, she pinched and removed all the bumps, cystic acnes on the surface of my face. DAMN ! Can you imagine that? It was hurt as hell. My tears keep falling down. My face turned to red like grill prawns. HAHA. Sick. Rest for awhile. She put cream on my face. After half an hour, Dr came. I got laser on my face. TWO TIMES. HURT as hell too. STINGS too much. That was my first time, so it was tortured I told u. After settling everything, I paid for the service. The Dr gave me accutane for a month and a cream for the post-laser.

I am not lying when I said that my face really dull and gloomy after the laser and still now.

About the accutane, Dr adviced me not to get married and pregnant within 6 months. That was the most important thing he told me before I took it. Fyi, the effects of the accutane is kinda bloodcurdling story.

The effects that I faced when I took accutane was:
- Dryness
- My hair loss
- Dried eyes (cannot long-term in aircond)
- Dried lips
- My gum bleeding :(
- Less oil on my face

I think nothing more besides that. I hope that everything will be fine, Masha Allah. I keep my patience for a long time already... I keep trying.

I was in the 2nd months of Accutane. The photo was weeks ago in my 1st month of Accutane.

I will come again in several months. Thanks for reading :)